“When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”—Lemony Snicket (via lafleurdemort)
If you can correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.
I'm the guy who grew up in an orphanage. I'm the guy who was a half-blood trying to fit in with pure-blood Slytherins at school. I'm the guy who had a filthy muggle father. I'm the guy who made seven horcruxes. I'm the guy who got defeated by a one year old. You think your life is hard? Try being Lord fucking Voldemort.
Let me tell you something about Severus Snape. We were best friends in Hogwarts. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in seventh year, I started going out with my first boyfriend James who I totally hated but then we got married, and Severus was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with James, he'd be like, "Why are you such a Mudblood?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-Order pool party, I was like, "Severus, I can't invite you, because I think you're a Death Eater." I mean I couldn't have a Death Eater at my party. There were gonna be Order of the Phoenix members there in their battle robes. I mean, right? He was a DEATH EATER. So then Voldemort called Dumbledore and started yelling at him, it was so retarded. And then he dropped out of the Order because no one would talk to him, and he came back in the fall to work for Dumbledore, all of his hair was greasy and he was totally weird, and now I guess he's Potions Master.
I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death. However, it seems some of you have come to class with powers so formidable that you feel confident enough... to not pay attention.